


Off to Visit Princess Chris

by Scattered_Irises



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Animal Abuse, Comedy, Medieval jokes, Other, Yuma is a horse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 01:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17777918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scattered_Irises/pseuds/Scattered_Irises
Summary: Our wonderful knight errant is on a journey to be with his one and only true love...But just when he is about to spend some peace and quiet with the love of his life, he is interrupted by an irritating disturbance. Come join in the revelry of a fantastical reimagining of the 13th century, rife with talking horses, dragons and all sorts of other weird things. Is it even legal to date non-humans here??? Who cares?! It's the 13th century!





	Off to Visit Princess Chris

**Author's Note:**

> This was a piece written for a friend from awhile ago. There's a lot of Galavant influences in it, I must admit.

Way back in days of old...there was a legend told...about a hero known as Ser Durbe! Who rode on a majestic Pegasus as white as snow! Who fought the gorgonic war and lived to tell the tale! Who may have possibly fell in love with both the king and the priestess of the kingdom that he served! Such a majestic knight was envied by the hideous squire Don, who was actually a demon sent from Hell...But unfortunately, that is not the tale of this hour. For this hour is the time of dragons...fierce rivalries...and of chivalry.

Hmm? ‘This is exactly what Ser Durbe’s Tale contains’ you say? Well to tell you the truth, his tale was too damn expensive to tell so you gotta settle with this lesser known tale of chivalry. So settle down, displeased audience, for this tale, the Tale of the Two Dragons, is a rollicking adventure between the two rivals, Mizael and Kaito.

 

* * *

 

 

One humid, scorching afternoon, Kaito was plodding along the forest trail until his horse, aptly named Yuma, collapsed. Now, Kaito was not a man of patience. So instead of waiting for his horse to get up, Kaito decided to slap it. The horse weakly stirred and Kaito decide to give the horse a gentle nudge with his boot.

”You better get up," snapped Kaito. "Or else the PETA people will hunt me down and hang me."

Yuma’s eyes flickered open. The horse let out a little whicker.

"And why should I help you?" muttered the horse. "You’ve rode me day and night searching for Princess Chris to no avail. You keep on saying how cool Chris is but I’ve never even seen his face. Maybe Princess Chris is just a figment of your imagination."

That almost made Kaito kick the damn horse in his horsey spleen.

"Princess Chris _does_ exist," growled Kaito through clenched teeth. "Now get up."

Reluctantly, Yuma got up. Stretching out his long horse legs, Yuma let out a long, horsey yawn. Unfortunately, the long yawn was interrupted by Kaito stumbling onto his back. Ah, the pains of having a short rider.

”Let’s go, Don Quixote,’’ muttered the horse.

"What did you just call me?" grumbled Kaito.

"Classical knight errant," replied the horse.

"I don’t know how to read," said Kaito as he cleaned the dirt from his fingernails. "Reading's for chumps."

"Of course," muttered the horse as he went back to the trail.

It was the medieval ages, after all. They plodded through the peaceful forest, gnats buzzing in their ears left and right. The humidity was not helping at all and the mud roads had become choked with foliage. To top it off, the constant buzzing of cicadas were about to drive both rider and horse insane.

”Now where’s Princess Chris again?" asked the horse as he smashed into yet another bush.

Well, infrastructure truly was going to the dogs. He’d have to complain to the city council sometime.

“Turn left," muttered Kaito as he looked at a map.

Yuma reluctantly took a left into a bunch of bushes. As he grumpily made his way through the prickly branches, he felt a twinge of enjoyment that Kaito was also being pelted by nature’s arms. Hopefully, a spider would crawl into Kaito’s armor and bite him. After an interminable amount of time passed, Yuma finally burst through the bushes and into a forest clearing. Without saying ‘thank you’, Kaito hopped off his horse, nearly twisted his ankle and ran over to a cave. Ah, short people.

"Chris! You home?" called Kaito.

The breathing of a large creature followed. Yuma took a nervous step back.

"I don’t think that’s Chris," whickered Yuma as he slowly backed up into the foliage.

”Nah, I’m pretty sure it is," replied Kaito nonchalantly.

He gave the cave walls another knock.

"It’s me, Kaito!"

"...Kaito?" rumbled a deep voice. A bit of steam came from the cave.

”Yeah, baby. I’ve come for our date.’’

"D-date?!" horse-screamed Yuma as he was about to gallop away.

Heavy footsteps shook the forest, scattering foliage everywhere. Even the cicadas’ loud cries were drowned out. Slowly, an immense, blue-scaled dragon peeked out of the cave’s mouth. Its iridescent galaxy eyes sparkled in delight as they focused on Kaito.

"Baby!" laughed the dragon as it nuzzled Kaito’s...well...everything.

"P-Princess Chris?!" exclaimed Yuma.

All eyes were turned to the horse.

"Yeah," says Kaito. "Who else?"

"P-Princess....Ch-chris..," wheezed Yuma.

A moment of awkward silence followed. Then the couple burst into laughter.

" _That_ Chris?!" howled the dragon. "No! The other princess Chris is a witchy snake! I’d eat other Chris’ head rather than see Kaito be paired with such a miserable thing!"

Yuma let out a bought of nervous horse laughter and pawed the ground.

"S-so where’re you guys going?" stammered Yuma.

"A picnic!" replied Chris happily.

Just then, a loud roar split open the sky. Looking up, they saw another, more darker dragon ascending. On top of it was Kaito’s golden-haired rival, Mizael. Kaito let out a groan of annoyance.

"Baby, why’d you invite these guys?" he grumbled to his scaly love.

Chris dragon-shrugged.

"Thought you would like the idea of a double date."

"I don’t," snapped Kaito. "Not with someone like him."

"Who doesn’t love Mizael?!" crowed Mizael as he hopped off his dragon.

”I don’t," muttered Kaito.

"Well that’s because you’re stupid!"

"Here we go again..," muttered Yuma as he spied a fresh bunch of grass. "Might as well have snacks for the show."

He plodded over to the refreshingly cool patch of grass and began to nibble. Halfway through and Mizael and Kaito were already screaming at each other. Yuma raised an eyebrow as Chris and Mizael’s dragon, Tay-Tay began to converse.

"...idiots...cave...under their noses..." Was what Yuma could hear from the dragons’ conversation. Meanwhile, Mizael and Kaito were arguing about who’s mom was nastier. Yuma let out a huff of disdain. What were they thinking? It was the thirteenth century, for crying out loud. Yo mama jokes became outdated two centuries ago.

"YOUR MOM IS SO UGLY, AFTER SHE FELL OFF THE WALL, ALL THE HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN DIDN’T WANT TO PUT HER BACK TOGETHER AGAIN!" snapped Mizael.

"WELL YOUR MOM IS SO DUMB, SHE CAN'T EVEN READ!" screeched Kaito.

"NONE OF US CAN READ!!!" screamed Mizael.

Yuma rolled his eyes and went back to the dragon action. They were looking at each other with sultry eyes. And was that...oh my gauche it was. Tay-Tay was putting a stubby arm around Chris’ back. The dragons got closer and closer, their galaxy eyes sparkling. Just what did that silent method of communication convey? B _ang me/let’s get away from here and bang me_ , probably.

"Uh...guys...?" neighed Yuma as he turned to the feuding humans.

The two humans continued to argue whilst their dragons were slowly slinking away. Letting out a horsey sigh, Yuma looked for another nice patch of grass. Midway through the snack, he began to hear lots of roaring. And tussling. Ooh and was that tumbling? Despite all of the thumps and earth shaking bumps, he could still hear those two idiots arguing. Now the topic had apparently turned to prunes and pigs. Sneaking a glance back at the scene, Yuma raised a horsey eyebrow.

Kaito was red-faced, fists at his sides. He stamped his foot and continued to scream. Mizael was no better. His tattoos glowed redder than usual and his blonde hair was becoming frizzy. Mizael was shaking a finger at Kaito’s face. Like the peasant-in-stolen-armor that he was, Kaito bit Mizael's finger with a crunch. Yuma snorted and went back to his grass as Mizael’s scream filled the air, melding with the cicadas. Oh, this was going to be a long and muggy afternoon.


End file.
